The Bad Beginning - Snicket Lemony (список книг txt) 📗

``But we're shorter than most adults,'' Klaus said. ``Won't that look strange to the audience?''

``You will be playing two midgets who attend the wedding,'' Olaf said patiently.

``And what will I do?'' Violet asked. ``I am very handy with tools, so perhaps I could help you build the set.''

``Build the set? Heavens, no,'' Count Olaf said. ``A pretty girl like you shouldn't be working backstage.''

``But I'd like to,'' Violet said.

Count Olaf's one eyebrow raised slightly, and the Baudelaire orphans recognized this sign of his anger. But then the eyebrow went down again as he forced himself to remain calm. ``But I have such an important role for you onstage,'' he said. ``You are going to play the young woman I marry.''

Violet felt her oatmeal and raspberries shift around in her stomach as if she had just caught the flu. It was bad enough having Count Olaf acting in loco parentis and announcing himself as their father, but to consider this man her husband, even for the purposes of a play, was even more dreadful.

``It's a very important role,'' he continued, his mouth curling up into an unconvincing smile, ``although you have no lines other than ``I do,'' which you will say when Justice Strauss asks you if you will have me.''

``Justice Strauss?'' Violet said. ``What does she have to do with it?''

``She has agreed to play the part of the judge,'' Count Olaf said. Behind him, one of the eyes painted on the kitchen walls closely watched over each of the Baudelaire children. ``I asked Justice Strauss to participate because I wanted to be neighborly, as well as fatherly.''

``Count Olaf,'' Violet said, and then stopped herself. She wanted to argue her way out of playing his bride, but she didn't want to make him angry. ``Father,'' she said, ``I'm not sure I'm talented enough to perform professionally. I would hate to disgrace your good name and the name of Al Funcoot. Plus I'll be very busy in the next few weeks working on my inventions-and learning how to prepare roast beef,'' she added quickly, remembering how he had behaved about dinner.

Count Olaf reached out one of his spidery hands and stroked Violet on the chin, looking deep into her eyes. ``You will,'' he said, ``participate in this theatrical performance. I would prefer it if you would participate voluntarily, but as I believe Mr. Poe explained to you, I can order you to participate and you must obey.'' Olaf's sharp and dirty fingernails gently scratched on Violet's chin, and she shivered. The room was very, very quiet as Olaf finally let go, and stood up and left without a word. The Baudelaire children listened to his heavy footsteps go up the stairs to the tower they were forbidden to enter.

``Well,'' Klaus said hesitantly, ``I guess it won't hurt to be in the play. It seems to be very important to him, and we want to keep on his good side.''

``But he must be up to something,'' Violet said.

``You don't think those berries were poisoned, do you?'' Klaus asked worriedly.

``No,'' Violet said. ``Olaf is after the fortune we will inherit. Killing us would do him no good.''

``But what good does it do him to have us be in his stupid play?''

``I don't know,'' Violet admitted miserably. She stood up and started washing out the oatmeal bowls.

``I wish we knew something more about inheritance law,'' Klaus said. ``I'll bet Count Olaf has cooked up some plan to get our money, but I don't know what it could be.''

``I guess we could ask Mr. Poe about it,'' Violet said doubtfully, as Klaus stood beside her and dried the dishes. ``He knows all those Latin legal phrases.''

``But Mr. Poe would probably call Count Olaf again, and then he'd know we were on to him,'' Klaus pointed out. ``Maybe we should try to talk to Justice Strauss. She's a judge, so she must know all about the law.''

``But she's also Olaf's neighbor,'' Violet replied, ``and she might tell him that we had asked.''

Klaus took his glasses off, which he often did when he was thinking hard. ``How could we find out about the law without Olaf's knowledge?''

``Book!'' Sunny shouted suddenly. She probably meant something like ``Would somebody please wipe my face?'' but it made Violet and Klaus look at each other. Book. They were both thinking the same thing: Surely Justice Strauss would have a book on inheritance law.

``Count Olaf didn't leave us any chores to do,'' Violet said, ``so I suppose we are free to visit Justice Strauss and her library.''

Klaus smiled. ``Yes indeed,'' he said. ``And you know, today I don't think I'll choose a book on wolves.''

``Nor I,'' Violet said, ``on mechanical engineering. I think I'd like to read about inheritance law''

``Well, let's go,'' Klaus said. ``Justice Strauss said we could come over soon, and we don't want to be standoffish.''

At the mention of the word that Count Olaf had used so ridiculously, the Baudelaire orphans all laughed, even Sunny, who of course did not have a very big vocabulary. Swiftly they put away the clean oatmeal bowls in the kitchen cupboards, which watched them with painted eyes. Then the three young people ran next door. Friday, the day of the performance, was only a few days off, and the children wanted to figure out Count Olaf's plan as quickly as possible.

Chapter Seven

There are many, many types of books in the world, which makes good sense, because there are many, many types of people, and everybody wants to read something different. For instance, people who hate stories in which terrible things happen to small children should put this book down immediately. But one type of book that practically no one likes to read is a book about the law. Books about the law are notorious for being very long, very dull, and very difficult to read. This is one reason many lawyers make heaps of money. The money is an incentive-the word ``incentive'' here means ``an offered reward to persuade you to do something you don't want to do''-to read long, dull, and difficult books.

The Baudelaire children had a slightly different incentive for reading these books, of course. Their incentive was not heaps of money, but preventing Count Olaf from doing something horrible to them in order to get heaps of money. But even with this incentive, getting through the law books in Justice Strauss's private library was a very, very, very hard task.

``Goodness,'' Justice Strauss said, when she came into the library and saw what they were reading. She had let them in the house but immediately went into the backyard to do her gardening, leaving the Baudelaire orphans alone in her glorious library. ``I thought you were interested in mechanical engineering, animals of North America, and teeth. Are you sure you want to read those enormous law books? Even I don't like reading them, and I work in law.''

``Yes,'' Violet lied, ``I find them very interesting, Justice Strauss.''

``So do I,'' Klaus said. ``Violet and I are considering a career in law, so we are fascinated by these books.''

``Well,'' Justice Strauss said, ``Sunny can't possibly be interested. Maybe she'd like to come help me with the gardening.''

``Wipi!'' Sunny shrieked, which meant ``I'd much prefer gardening to sitting around watching my siblings struggle through law books.''

``Well, make sure she doesn't eat any dirt,'' Klaus said, bringing Sunny over to the judge.

``Of course,'' said Justice Strauss. ``We wouldn't want her to be sick for the big performance.''

Violet and Klaus exchanged a look. ``Are you excited about the play?'' Violet asked hesitantly.

Justice Strauss's face lit up. ``Oh yes,'' she said. ``I've always wanted to perform onstage, ever since I was a little girl. And now Count Olaf has given me the opportunity to live my lifelong dream. Aren't you thrilled to be a part of the theater?''