Slut - Woodruff Jettie (книги онлайн полностью .txt) 📗

I didn’t see a reason to remind him that I didn’t really remember her. “I miss her so much, Vander. I’m going to go look for her with Mi on Saturday.

“Can I come?”

“No way, dude. You gotta help me. We’re going to start on that waterslide Saturday. I need to know where you want this secret tunnel.”

Vander pepped right up with the sound of Paxton’s voice. Our eyes met when he picked up the bread, drying on the counter, slapped a slice of cheese on it, and stuck it in his mouth.

“We are?”

“Yup, wait until you see the slide, it’s going to have a wave right at the end. That way when you reach the bottom, it’ll catapult you high into the air before you hit the water.”

My eyes left Paxton’s when I felt the pink material in my hand, wondering what it was, sure that it was something that belonged to his mother. Something special that he had for a very long time.

“What is this, sweetie?” I asked.

Vander tucked it between our bodies when he realized he had it. “That’s mine.”

I rubbed his back again, trying to assure him that it was okay. “I won’t tell anybody,” I whispered.

He moved his hands back to his lap and unfolded it over his lap. A pink tattered shirt with a mustard stain around the collar. “When my mommy traded places with you, you had to trade shirts. She said this is your favorite shirt and she had to give it back. She covered me up with it when I was born so you could be a part of my birthday, too. But now it’s mine. I don’t want to give it back.”

“Have you always slept with this?”

“Yes, but you can’t tell Ophelia, she’s mean.”

Paxton and I exchanged a quick smile with the mention of our ‘mean daughter’.

“You can have it if you want to. My mommy said we had to keep it so we can give it to you.”

A realization hit me as I eased his trepidation about me taking his security blanket. “How about you hang on to it for me, can you do that?”

I felt his head nod, but he didn’t reply with words.

“Vander, did you know your mommy was coming here?”

“Huh-uh, she said she found you and we was going to come here and she wasn’t going to be sick anymore. She was going to work for you, Uncle Pax.”

I don’t know how Paxton got there so fast, but he was there before the first tear could fall. I stood with Vander in my arms and handed him off. Paxton walked him to the wall of glass and pointed out to the pool. “I was thinking of building a bridge from the playset to the waterslide. What do you think?”

“A swinging bridge.”

“Hmm, I like the way you think.”

I rounded the corner just in time before the audible whimper escaped, sinking to the floor as my legs gave out and the tears won.

Stupid, stupid Izzy. If only she would have walked to the door and knocked. She could be here with me now, with Vander.

“What’s wrong, Mommy?” Ophelia’s tiny voice questioned. Jesus. Why the hell were all my kids still awake?

I didn’t hold back the tears with Phi. I grabbed her into a bear hug and held onto her tight, using her for needed security.

“Do you miss your sister?”

I smiled and pushed her hair away and held her face. “I miss her so much, baby.”

“I would miss Rowan, too,” she softly said, placing her hand on my cheek.

I kissed her wrist and pulled her close again.

“Come on jitterbug. Bedtime. Hop on the train,” Paxton said as he shifted Vander to the other shoulder.

“No, Mommy’s sad.”

I kissed Phi’s little lips and coaxed her off my lap with a light shove. “You go, baby. I’m okay.”

“She misses your mommy,” Phi told Van as her daddy lifted her to the vacant shoulder.

“She’s going to find her on Saturday,” Van replied.

Shit. Maybe I shouldn’t have told him that.

I pulled myself from the floor and walked to the kitchen, inviting a strong mixed drink to my pity party. My feet slid into Paxton’s flip-flops by the door when I couldn’t find mine. I walked outside, planning to take my drink down to the beach to sulk in silence. Pray to a deaf God that didn’t hear me.

“Hey, where you going? Come here.”

“Fuck you, Paxton. I’m not coming here. Leave me alone,” I called over my shoulder, hair flipping to my back, and right to my left eye. Ouch.

“Gabriella.”

“Stop fucking following me. Go back in the house with the kids.”

“No, we have to stop this. Listen to me, God damnit.”

I turned on him, finger right to his nose. “Why? Why Paxton? You said it yourself. We’re all a bunch of fucking liars. You’re just going to lie. I fucking told you. I tried to tell you. This isn’t fucking real.”

“Will you stop saying fuck?”

“Fuck you,” I called while spinning back to the beach, spilling half my drink.

Paxton let me go, but not for long. I made it to the sand and fell, unable to carry myself anymore. My drink finished spilling to the sand and I didn’t even care. I pulled my little hematite stone from my pocket and squeezed it, praying for the magic to work.

“Gabriella, I don’t know how to fix us, baby.”

I didn’t even bother with trying to pull away. I was too weak, no match for his comforting arms. Paxton pulled me into his arms and I let him. I let him because I needed someone and he was there. I let him because I wanted him and I couldn’t have him, because we were broken.

“Why, Paxton? He doesn’t deserve that. She came for my help. We could have been together, Paxton. God!” I screamed to the dark ocean, tears streaming down my face. “I should have just brought her here. I should have got the milk and brought her home, Pax. Why didn’t I do that? Why!” I cried again. This time to the sky, demanding God to hear me.

Paxton didn’t say one word. He held me tight, and listened to my crazy thoughts, until I had run out of what ifs. He never said a word, not even a whisper.

Just when I thought I was all out of crazy, Paxton pulled his stone from his pocket, held out, and smiled down at me. I looked at him puzzled for second, the moonlight illuminating his face. He needed to shave. I looked back to his stone, and opened another round of crazy. I snatched it from his hand and lunged it as hard as I could into the ocean. I don’t know how far it made it, but I know it hit the water. I think.

“That’s for throwing mine,” I said as I spun back to him. “That’s what I think about your magical rock. Fuck you. Fuck this thing you created between us. Fuck your family values. I’ll make my own with them.”

“You created this, too.” Paxton yelled, anger replacing the comforting husband. Fake as shit.

“Stay away from me. I’ll figure this out on my own,” I assured him, sidestepping him, and getting the hell away from him.

I laid on top of my covers and cried until I couldn’t cry anymore. Until I cried myself to sleep. I just wanted it all to stop. Why couldn’t things just be okay for us? It was my turn. I deserved it, damnit.

My eyes opened wide at three o’clock in the morning, panic like I’d never felt before. “Oh, God. What did I do?” I questioned as I sat up, looking around for my phone.

It rang four times before she answered. “Gabby?”

As soon as I heard her voice I broke down again. Gah! Why did that keep happening? “Mi, I threw it away. The magic’s gone now. I threw it in the ocean.”

“Gabriella, what the hell are you talking about?”

“Paxton’s stone. I took it out of his hand and I threw it in the ocean. I didn’t mean to. I was upset.”

“Gabby, calm down. That’s just an old Indian tale. It’s not even real hematite. It’s man-made, a mechanical process. The procedure includes heating and cooling the hematite while it is attached to a very strong magnet. It’s a story, Gabby. I made it up.”

“No you didn’t. Vander has one, too. My mom gave Izzy and me one when we were little. That’s why I threw Paxton’s in the ocean. That’s what he did to mine. It’s real. My mom said so.”

“It’s an old Indian tale, Gabby. That’s it. You all needed something to believe in. It’s real because you make it real, because you come together at night because you love each other, not because you need the magic to power it. It’s the coming together as a family, not the stones, Gabby.”