Perfection - Mathewson R. L. (книги бесплатно без .TXT) 📗
"Why aren't you freaking out about this?" she asked, too curious to put it off for another moment. She ate some of her soup and nearly moaned with pleasure. It was so good and apparently her stomach agreed because it didn't threaten to make her run the hundred yard dash across the restaurant to get to the bathroom.
"I sort of did freak out when I found out," he admitted sheepishly, gesturing for her to continue to eat when she stopped to frown at him.
"What happened?" she asked, wishing she'd been there when he found out. Actually, she wished he'd been there to hold her hand when the doctor came back to tell her the news or when they rolled in the sonogram and checked to see how far along she was.
Almost three months along.
She'd been shocked when they told her and hyperventilating when they mentioned twins. After they left the room she lay in the semi-dark room and tried to wrap her mind around everything. By the time they came to give her something for the pain and announced that they were releasing her she was both nervous and excited about the future, but she'd also been a little frightened that Trevor wouldn't take it well and apparently he hadn't.
"It was a bit of a shock," he admitted. "When you didn't have your, um," he cleared his throat, looking adorably embarrassed, "your um....," he trailed off, looking at a loss for words.
"Friend?" she suggested, biting back a smile at the relieved look on his face. When her period didn't show up the first time she hadn't been all that nervous since her periods had become extremely irregular with her diet and they were using protection. It was also one of the things that scared her enough to get off the insane diet she was on because she was afraid of the damage it was causing her body, but now she knew she wasn't giving her babies enough food and she felt like crying.
"Yes, I thought you were on birth control," he admitted, shaking his head ruefully. "I really was an idiot to assume anything. I should have asked, but I was so damn excited to be with you that I have to admit that I really didn't use my head a lot," he said softly, reaching out to take her free hand. "I'm sorry that I messed this up, Zoe, but you need to know that I will never-"
"About time you dropped by," Hank, she thought his name was, said as he slapped a hand on the back of Trevor's shoulder, cutting off whatever pointless promise Trevor was about to make. Even though she loved him, he didn't love her and she couldn't allow him to settle for her when she knew he would never be happy.
"I'm in the middle of something here," Trevor bit out, gesturing to Zoe.
Hank? sent her a questioning look, but quickly shrugged it off, probably not giving her a second thought as he turned his attention back to Trevor. "I was asked by that group of lovely women," he said, gesturing to a group of three women, who took that as their cue to send Trevor little flirtatious smiles and waves, "to see if you would like to join us for a drink."
"I just told you that I'm in the middle of something here," he said, jaw clenching as he once again gestured her way.
"It's fine," she said, knowing there really was no point in prolonging the evening. Any delusions she'd once had about having any type of relationship had been effectively squashed. She'd rather just sit here alone and enjoy this tasty meal before she went home to her semi-empty apartment. After nearly five months of dieting she was going to indulge tonight. Hell, she might even get dessert.
With ice cream.
Yes, she realized she was spiraling into binge eating and was probably on the verge of a major depression, but thankfully this time she had two Bradfords to help her out with the excess calories and hopefully by the time they were born she'd be over Trevor.
Okay, that wasn't very likely to happen, but at least by then she wouldn't be able to afford food for herself since she had two Bradfords to feed. It would be fine, because she'd be so busy trying to take care of her babies to think about Trevor.
She'd be fine.
Really.
Now if she could only believe that everything would be okay.
Chapter 31
How in the hell had he fucked up so badly? he wondered as he signaled for the bartender.
It was that damn arrangement.
Of all the fucked up things he'd done in his life that was one he wished he could go back and change that night. He'd probably already been half in love with the stubborn woman when he'd come up with that asinine idea. What in the hell was wrong with him suggesting something like that?
If his mother was still alive she'd bitch slap him into tomorrow for pulling that shit. She'd raised him to respect women even if he didn't particular care for them and his uncles backed up that little lesson with the unspoken promise of an ass whooping if he ever forgot. Before Zoe there was no question that he'd been an asshole, still was, but he'd never treated any of the women in his life the way he treated her, like she was nothing but a convenience to him.
The fucked up part about the whole thing was that the only woman he'd ever truly cared about and loved was the one he treated like she didn't exist while he paraded women around who he couldn't have given a flying fuck about because of the way they looked.
He let out a humorless snort of laughter at that.
Most of the women he'd dated in the past had annoyed the shit out of him and could never manage to keep his attention, but his frumpy little tenant had him practically drooling after her twenty-four-seven. He was so fucking in love with her that he felt sick and empty when she wasn't around and so unbelievably happy when he saw her that he couldn't believe his own stupidity.
This was all his fault. If he could go back and change things he would. Instead of offering sex like he was doing her a favor he should have done what any normal man would do for the woman he couldn't stop thinking about and asked her out, begged if he had to. He loved spending time with her and could easily think of a thousand things he'd like to do with her, but he'd been stupid and selfish.
If only he could go back and change things......
Well, he wouldn't change the pregnancy. It had only been a day since he found out about it, but already he was excited about the future. It didn't matter if his baby had reading problems like him, he'd be there for his kid and support him and of course teach him how to beat the shit out of anyone who made fun of him. Of course Jason's kids would probably be insanely smart and hopefully would be there for Trevor's kid the way Jason had been there for him.
He hoped his child didn't have an obsession with food, but judging by the way Zoe was devouring her burger he figured that wish was useless. Wait a minute........
Hadn't Zoe ordered baked ziti for herself? He sighed heavily as he gestured for the busy bartender once again. Well, it looked like he was going to go hungry for the next six or seven months, which was fine with him. As long Zoe and his baby were happy then he'd learn to deal.
But she certainly didn't look happy, not the way she had when he showed up at their bedroom door with flowers. Then she'd looked so heartbreakingly beautiful with that little shy smile. It didn't hurt that her outfit highlighted all of his favorite curves. He had to stop himself from grabbing her and showing her how much he liked what he saw and remind himself that they had a date.
A date that was not going very well, which again was all his fault. If he hadn't gone out of his way to ignore her and try to keep her at an arm's length he wouldn't be in this mess right now. She didn't believe that he loved her or wanted her, which now that he thought about it was pretty fucking stupid.
