Slow Twitch - Реинхардт Лиз (бесплатные серии книг .txt) 📗

‘It would be easier to be Juliet, Lizzie Bennett, or Penelope and love for sure once I decided on one love. But I’m not that simple and neither is my love. It’s big and full of niches and crannies. They need to be filled, and it’s a big job to fill it. My parents fill some pieces. My friends fill others. Then there are books, music, nature, running, Christmas, new clothes, the windows down in summertime when you’re driving nowhere in particular. And two boys. When I think of it that way, it doesn’t seem so crazy. It doesn’t seem dishonest or slutty or terrible. It seems like two is just enough and my life is only fractionally as long as I’d one day like it to be. More years equals more loves, so that I will love twice, three times, seventeen times, fifty-four times and it will always be a love that I need. And that I need to give back.’”

‘Because love doesn’t have a number or an end. It’s big enough. Strong enough. Wild enough. To hold every extra ounce we can pour or wriggle or crowbar in. I’m in love twice. And that’s just the beginning.’”

Then Saxon folded the paper and handed it back to me, and we sat next to each other on the bed in his room at Aunt Helene’s, not really sure what the hell to say.

“I better fucking go,” I muttered and stood up.

“Stay here. Aunt Helene has an old cot from like World War II in the closet.” Saxon smiled at me, like a truce. “I’ll take the cot.”

“It’s cool, man.” I stood, the folded paper smooth in my shaking fingers. “I gotta get back.”

“For what?” He pointed to the paper. “You gonna talk to Bren tonight?”

“No.” I was sure about that. There was just too much going through my head, and I really didn’t know what to do with it all.

“Then stay.” He fell back on his bed, arms under his head.

“You and Cadence have plans.” There were so many places I didn’t want to be, so many places that didn’t feel right, that I couldn’t even pinpoint which one would be the worst. But staying with Saxon actually wasn’t the bottom of the list.

“She’ll come over. It’ll be cool. C’mon, stay.” He rolled his neck back and forth and cracked it. “Or don’t. Whatever the fuck. If you don’t want to, don’t. But it’s cool if you do.”

I realized he was asking me because he wanted me to stay. For whatever reason. “Alright.”

Saxon left to walk Cadence over, and Aunt Helene set out a plate of sandwiches and a bowl of pretzels.

“Sit, Jake. Sit and relax for a while.” She squeezed my shoulder and I sat.

Once the sandwiches were in front of me, I realized that I was starving. I grabbed one and bit into it, and focused for a minute on how damn good it was to eat at Aunt Helene’s. It was a chicken sandwich with real chicken, like picked off the bird. Good rye bread, tomatoes that I had seen her bring in from her own garden. It was a million miles away from my usual canned soup/TV dinner/cold cut sandwich routine.

Her house was a good house to be in. It felt warm and comfortable and like home. Not that I had a good grasp on ‘like home.’

Saxon came in with Cadence. He had his arm around her waist and was smiling like he won the fucking jackpot. She had her head tilted towards him and was laughing at something he said to her. While they were still in the front foyer, before they thought anyone could see them, she took his face in her hands and kissed him, then rubbed her nose on his. Like a little fucking adorable-ass Eskimo kiss.

And maybe I had turned into a weepy puddle of blubbering sad-sack emotion, but I missed Brenna. I wished I had gone back to get her, even though I knew what a disaster that would have been. Cadence and Saxon came and sat with me.

“Hey Jake,” she said, smiling a little shyly.

She was one hell of a knockout. It struck me again as a little weird, how shy she was. Girls that good-looking were usually really overly confident. “Hey Cadence.” I returned the smile. “Sorry you’ve had to spend so much time with that tool.”

She popped a quick kiss on Saxon’s neck. “I’m just glad you’re here tonight to give me some relief from this goon.”

He squeezed her to his side. “Don’t believe the Jake hype, Cadence,” he warned. “He’s just as big a douche bag as I am, I promise.”

We all laughed, then Aunt Helene brought out a card deck for us, and Cadence taught us how to play a game called Palace, which required just enough thinking to help me keep my mind off of Brenna. It was perfect.

We played a few rounds, then Cadence started asking about Folly. The show at her dad’s place was in a few days and she was fairly worried.

“I have some Folly on my iPod.” Saxon jumped up to get it.

Cadence and I were alone in the dining room.

“Um, Jake?” She bit her lip.

“Yeah?” She looked worried.

“Can I ask you something? But, just know ahead of time, you don’t have to answer if it’s too weird or crazy that I asked. Okay?” She focused on examining her fingernails, not really looking me in the eye.

“Fair enough. Ask away.” I leaned closer to her.

“Were Brenna and Saxon really serious?” She kept her voice low and darted a quick look down the hall, where Saxon had just gone.

Her eyes were wide and kind of almond-shaped. And green. A really pretty shade of light green with some brown in them.

It was a pretty uncomfortable question. I squirmed a little, searching for an answer that would save both of us from bruised hearts. “They’ve always liked each other. But I think Saxon wanted something that he didn’t get from Brenna.”

“Sex?” Cadence pulled at the bottom of the shirt so hard in her nervous distraction, it seemed like she might tear the fabric.

I felt a hot flash of fury just thinking about that. “No. I mean, they didn’t have sex. But I think he wanted, like, the romance part of it.”

“Oh.” She dropped her shirt and fisted her hands. “They didn’t have that?” Her eyes flickered up and she shook her head. “I’m sorry. This is rude. I’m being really out of line.”

“No, it’s alright. Trust me, I get why you want to know.” I wondered how the hell I was supposed to explain the weirdness that had happened this past winter. “We were always still kind of all about each other, so she and Saxon just broke it off after a while.”

“Um. But, Saxon…Saxon told me about this paper. Was it just, like, an assignment or something?” Cadence’s mouth pressed in a flat, tight line.

I couldn’t believe Saxon had already told her about it. I wondered how much he told her. And why. And if he’d regret it.

“Yeah. Kind of.” A wave of irrational anger washed over me. “She was supposed to write about something she felt passionate about.

“Oh. Passion? But she and Saxon dated in the past. It’s all done now, right? And they’re just friends?” Cadence looked at me like I might have the answer, not realizing that was the same damn question drumming through my head.

I dug deep into my gut for the answer, and said what I honestly believed was true. “Brenna doesn’t make a hell of a lot of sense to me sometimes,” I admitted. “She likes to think about things. A lot. But she said they were done a while ago, and I don’t have any reason to doubt her. She’s loyal and honest, and I believe her.” And I did. Relief skipped through me like a stone on a flat lake.

Cadence reached her hand across the table and squeezed mine. “Cool. I’m glad we got to talk a little. Maybe we could all go out sometime?”

“Sure. Yeah. That would be cool.” God, she was pretty. She had this silky brown-black hair that shined and nice lips, the kind that looked like they would be good for kissing.

She let go of my hand and it was like my head righted itself again.

What the hell was I thinking?

This was Saxon’s girlfriend. Didn’t I have enough trouble with Brenna? Wasn’t I just damning Saxon for exactly what I was feeling? I looked at Cadence, who didn’t look away from me at all.