I Want It That Way - Aguirre Ann (книги читать бесплатно без регистрации полные txt) 📗

“I sound incredibly judgmental.” She rubbed a hand over her face, but her weariness wasn’t enough to shut me up.

“Not just you. Everyone. According to the world, there’s a right way to do things. I should get my degree in four years—if it takes more, I’m a failure. Next, find an awesome job, and then, only then, look for someone to share my life. We should be married 2.5 years before we reproduce. Then if I’m infertile or he is, people will look down on us if we adopt, if we consider in vitro. One of us will be a failure again, faulty genetic stock, and if I don’t want kids at all, there’s something wrong, because normal women love babies, don’t they, all of them?”

My heart broke for Diana, who had loved Ty and dreamed of a life with him, and then she ran from domestic bliss, to a future without diapers, where she could work with lab equipment, instead. And too many people would say there was something wrong with her. Because what kind of monster could desert her own child? At this moment, I hated everyone in the world, myself included.

Now that I’d started venting, I couldn’t shut up. My mom listened, wide-eyed, as I babbled on, “God forbid if I fall in love with a girl. My roommate Angus, he’s completely wrong, according to some assholes. In some states, it’s not even legal for him to get married. Doesn’t matter that he’s the sweetest guy. Society says he’s not even allowed to have a family.”

“Nadia, are you telling me you’re gay?” Mom managed to ask.

“What? No. I’m...” Falling apart.

The months without Ty finally caught up to me. I couldn’t hold it in anymore, and the misery came out in endless word vomit. My mom would never want to Skype with me again, because I told her everything—about Ty and Sam—and this love that wouldn’t go away, no matter what I did or how I did it. By the time I finished unloading, my face was smeared with tears and Courtney had tiptoed in and out of our room, clearly not wanting to intrude.

“You love him,” my mom said quietly.

“God, yes. But I’m twenty-two. I’m too young to be tied down, right? And with Sam, it just can’t be anything less.”

“I was twenty-one when I had Rob. Twenty-five when you came along. And your dad was twenty-six when we got married. I was nineteen. My mother told me he was too old—that it would never work out. She didn’t like his family, either, or the fact that one of his brothers went to prison. But...he was the right person for me. So I didn’t listen. I married him, anyway.”

That was news to me. My grandmother, who made winter soup and black bread, she’d disapproved of my dad?

“She never gave any sign that she didn’t support you two.”

“Not after I proved to her that it could work...and that he was good to me. Telling her wouldn’t have been enough. She threatened to disown me, but once she saw, she understood.”

From the strength of their relationship, my mother made the right call back then. With my parents together and happy, I’d always been an oddity at school. So many relationships ended in divorce, maybe because some people were terminally stupid at nineteen and shouldn’t be in charge of a kitten’s well-being, let alone a baby. But others, like my mom, could start young and build a beautiful life with someone.

With my dad.

That was when I suspected what she was getting at. I froze, staring at the screen. “What are you saying?”

“I want you to be happy, that’s all. I don’t care about college, except that it’s your dream to teach. Obviously, I want better for you than I had, but I can tell you’ve thought about Ty a lot and that you understand how it will be with him. If this boy will put the smile back on your face, you have my blessing.”

“He’s not a boy. He hasn’t been since Sam came along.”

My mom smiled. “Fair enough. But I’m forty-seven years old, and anyone under thirty seems like a baby to me. What are you going to do?”

“About college, tuition or Ty?” The tension eased out of me. Until this moment, I didn’t realize how much worry I was hauling around.

“All of the above.”

Pausing, I pondered my options then shook my head. “I’m not sure. I need to think. Right now I’m too emotional to work it out and be sure I’m making the right choice.”

“Keep me posted,” she said, smile widening. “You know, I like this Skype business. It’s harder for you to lie to me.”

“Impossible. Take care of Dad, okay?”

Her eyes were beautiful and serene. “I’ve been doing that for twenty-eight years. I’m not likely to stop, just because he needs me a little more.”

“Hug Rob and Dad for me.”

“Of course. Bye, honey.”

Stunned by the honesty I’d unleashed between us, I staggered to the bathroom to blow my nose. My eyes were so red, it looked like I was having an allergic reaction to my face. A few minutes later, Courtney brought some ice in, wrapped in a towel. I took it gratefully and balanced it on my nose, sighing as the coolness soothed the sting.

“Heavy family drama?” she asked.

“You have no idea.”

“I got a few pieces, here and there. Dad’s sick, you’re challenging the current world order and ready to march for gay rights?”

“Well, yes and yes, but there’s more.” Quietly, I filled her in.

“Wow,” she said. “I understand the conflict. It’s not like you can date Ty in the traditional sense. You have to accept both of them.”

“I am. I do.” Until that moment, I didn’t realize how complete the internal shift was, but as I spoke the words, I recognized their truth. “I’ve tried the bar scene. I tried meeting other guys, but when someone else touches me, it just makes me sad. I don’t want to drink until I barf. I don’t want the type of fun I’m supposed to be having. I just... I want Ty, that’s all.”

“It sounds like he was pretty adamant when you split, though.”

“He was.” The weight shifted from my chest for the first time in months. “But I think it’s because he’s trying to put me first. He talked about me ruining my life over him. But...Lauren? To the rest of the world, she’s a failure. She flunked out of college. Lost her scholarship. Now she’s back in Nebraska, living with her mom. How’s that not crashing and burning?”

Courtney nodded, like she wasn’t sure where I was going with that.

I went on, “But...she’s happy. For her, getting out of Michigan was a huge relief. And that’s how I feel right now. I don’t have to live on other people’s timetable anymore. I can do what I want, whatever makes me happy. That’s...freedom.”

She cocked a worried brow. “You’re not planning to ditch classes and stash pot in my underwear drawer, are you? Because that’s what drove me out of my last housing situation.”

I laughed. “Not even remotely. I still plan to graduate. I don’t know yet if I’ll take out loans to finish or drop to part-time. I have the summer to decide, though my instinct is to slow down. The idea of going into debt freaks me out.”

Courtney patted me on the back with a commiserating look. “I’m right there with you, but unfortunately, I’m already in hock to the man. Well. To my parents, which is worse than the government. What are you going to do about Ty?”

“What I’ve done almost since the first time I saw the guy,” I said softly.

“And that is?”

I offered a mysterious smile. In my head, I was Boadicea and no man could stand against me. “Love him so much, it hurts.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

For two days, I pondered my next move.

Then I went to see Mrs. Keller at Rainbow Academy. She glanced up from her paperwork, surprised to see me in early. We hadn’t changed my schedule to summer hours yet, so I was still working part-time. I’d discussed this decision with my mom and dad and they supported me. So I took a deep breath as she invited me to sit.

“What’s on your mind?” she asked.