Shiver : 13 Sexy Tales of Humor and Horror - Aurora Belle (читать книги онлайн бесплатно полные версии TXT) 📗

When Miles and I approached them, they were still amid the argument from the car.

“I told you we should have turned at Spruce Street, but you insisted on going straight. And now we’re late.” Tom huffed.

“I would never insist on anyone going straight,” Ryan said, winking.

“If you kept your damn hands out of my crotch then I could have paid attention to the damn road.”

“Right. ‘Please don’t give me a hand job’ said no man ever,” Ryan said in a mocking voice.

“I don’t like to do shit like that in the car. It makes a mess everywhere,” Tom continued to argue.

“Ah yes, how can I forget my OCD boyfriend and his frantic need to keep everything in order.”

Ryan turned to Miles and I. “I would have taken it in the mouth anyway.”

Miles coughed at Ryan’s statement. “Okay, then. On that happy note, let’s we meet Raj and Renee in the sitting room.

“Good, I need a drink.” Ryan sped past Miles and I into the sitting room.

I whispered close to Miles, “Seems like everything isn’t kosher under the rainbow.”

“Seems to be a love-hate relationship,” he said.

“Yeah, Ryan loves Tom, and Tom hates all the crumbs Ryan makes.” I laughed.

In the sitting room Sean and Marie served wine and appetizers, and my heart started to pound and I started to shake.

“Moxie, what’s wrong?”

“Oh, she’s fine,” Renee said. “When she gets into a room full of appetizers, she goes into a seizure-like state because she doesn’t know which one to try first.”

“It’s just so… overwhelming. Pigs in blankets, assorted cheese. Is that a relish tray? Get the defibrillator, stat!”

“We always said if we quit teaching, we would start a restaurant that only served appetizers. We’d call it Appiteasers,” Renee continued.

“Can you imagine? A restaurant that had jalapeno poppers, egg rolls, and spinach artichoke dip? It’s like an orgasmic smorgasbord,” I added.

The doorbell rang, and we all looked toward the entryway as Sean moved to open the door.

“Welcome!” Sean greeted the new guests. “You’re just in time to mingle.”

A woman missing ninety percent of her clothing and didn’t look a day over twelve walked in. She wore booty shorts, although they showed more booty then shorts. On top of her nice-sized breast she wore a Clash T-shirt under a leather motorcycle jacket. The outfit was completed by cowboy boots and a straw cowboy hat. She had, from what I could tell, dark brown hair that lightened to blond at the tips.

Next to her was, what I assumed, her date for the weekend. He looked like he’d just crawled out of the cradle too. He wore a wife-beater and jeans that sagged way past his ass. He was probably five eleven and wore a White Sox hat with the shiny MBL sticker firmly attached to the visor.

“I didn’t realize we were babysitting this weekend,” I whispered to Renee.

“If I ever have a daughter walk out of the house looking like that, I’ll shoot her.”

“It will be too late because I would have already shot you for raising a daughter like that. That would be something from my loins, not yours.”

I peeked at Miles to see if he was enjoying the bootyful view, but he was deeply engrossed in conversation with Raj about the Cubs. Good man I had there.

Sean walked over with our newest guest. “Everyone, I would like to introduce Destiny and Sam.”

All six of us waved to our new arrivals as the doorbell rang once again.

“That must be our last arrival, excuse me,” Sean said as he darted back to open the door.

Meanwhile Sam left Destiny’s side and sauntered up to me. “Hey, I’m Sam. And what is your name, fair maiden.”

I looked around to see if there was a girl dressed in a princess costume with one of those tall cone hats and streamers coming out. But Sam’s gaze was directed at me.

“I’m taken,” I said with a rush.

“I would only assume,” he said with a wink.

“My boyfriend Miles is over there talking with the British Indian guy. He’s very tall and fierce. Oh, and he’s territorial. Likes to mark me with pee and all,” I added. I usually didn’t get nervous around anyone, unless they were threatening to discontinue Snicker bars, but there was something about Sam that made my skin crawl. Maybe it was because he looked like he hadn’t washed his hair since the extinction of the dinosaurs.

“Mmm, kinky. I like it.”

“Umm, isn’t that you’re girlfriend.” I pointed to Destiny.

“We don’t use labels. We are always opened to new adventures,” he said, eyeing me as if I were a piece of prime rib and he were a lion.

“Yo, dipshit,” Destiny called to Sam. “Stop waving your dick around and help me get the bags upstairs.”

“Dipshit is her nickname for me,” he said, giving me a toothy grin. He did a full body scan of me before helping Destiny carry their stuff to their room.

Renee looked at me, “What was that?”

“That was an uncomfortable moment.”

“Kind of like when you have to take a crap and the only place around is McDonald’s? And then you plug up the toilet and don’t tell anyone because you’re utterly embarrassed?”

I turned to her. “Did that happen?”

“Totally hypothetical,” she replied.

“Well, howdy, y’all!”

Renee and I turned our attention to our newest arrivals. A stunning raven-haired beauty came prancing into the room. She was dressed in a cream, silk shirt that was buttoned low showing her ta-tas, which were too perky to be considered natural. This was paired with black straight-leg pants and fuck-me shoes. That wasn’t what caught my eye, though. This woman was dripping in jewels. I had to snap my mouth shut because my mouth hung open so big I could have caught hundreds flies in it. I seriously considered getting my sunglasses because all her bling was making my eyes hurt.

Walking in behind her was a white-haired man who had to be double, if not triple her age. He was dressed in a tweed sports coat, slacks, and white button down shirt. He too had a very interesting accessory: something that looked like a furball a cat threw up. The object moved in the man’s arms and let out a bark, which sounded more like a shriek. Fantastic!

“I’m Debbie and this is my husband, Bob.” Then Debbie reached toward Bob’s arms and pulled the rugrat into her arms. “And this is Ruby, our shih-poo.”

I will not comment, I will not comment, I chanted to myself. But Renee had it covered for me.

“What’s a shih-poo?” Renee tilted her head and scratched her chin in confusion.

“It’s a shih tzu poodle mix,” Debbie said with a very strong southern drawl.

“I thought that was something that happened after you eat a lot of Arby’s in on sitting,” I muttered to Renee.

Miles, Raj, and a now harmonious Tom and Ryan joined in our small gathering and offered introductions since I seemed to be focused on Debbie’s assortment of fine gems.

“Hi, I’m Miles. This is my girlfriend Moxie and our friend Renee, Raj, Tom, and Ryan.”

“Well it’s a pleasure to meet y’all.”

“I like your puppy,” I said, reaching to pet the ball of fur. But the crapper growled and bared its teeth.

“Oh, Ruby. Stop that nonsense,” Bob scolded from behind is wife and placed his hands on her shoulders. “He’s very sweet, just a little territorial when it comes to my Debbie.”

“You’ve got quite the southern drawl. I can’t imagine you’d be from anywhere around here,” Ryan said.

“Oh no.” Bob shook his head. “We’re from Dallas. I own several farms up in this area, and we heard about this adventure and thought it would be fun. It’s nice to get out amongst every day folk instead of dealing with the old fuddy-duddies of the cooperate world.”

Again, I leaned into Renee and whispered, “Do I make the joke about Debbie Does Dallas first or the one where Bob is an old fuddy-duddy?”

She elbowed me in the side and gave me a sideways dirty look. Sam and Destiny came down looking disheveled and joined the rest of the party. Sam entered the room and threw me a wink while adjusting himself. The thought of Sam and Destiny having a quickie upstairs was enough for me to toss up the appetizers I had eaten.