Arsen: a broken love story - Asher Mia (читать книги онлайн бесплатно серию книг .txt) 📗

Love can make you whole again.

That’s what Cathy has done to me.

I cover her hand in mine as we make our way to the house. The need to be alone with her is driving me fucking insane. I need to show her with my body what words are not enough to describe. Show her that she owns me, body and soul. Not even Ashley, whom I thought was my future before she cheated on me, had ever reached inside me the way Cathy and her innocent green eyes did. She changed the biological makeup of my broken body, embedding herself into my DNA, slowly healing me with her smile, gluing me whole again with her love.

Fuck.

I have it bad.

And I love it.

I love her.

So fucking much.

I look down at the small hand in mine, feeling her sweet warmth all the way to my dick, and I realize that this tiny package of perfection has the power to completely destroy me, to annihilate me if she ever chose to. The funny thing is that I don’t give a damn about it. If it means that I get to be with her, to hold her in my arms, to call her my own for however long I have.

And it better be a shitload of time because at this rate forever might not be long enough.

When our gazes meet, a shiver of awareness runs down my spine, settling where I need to feel her wet and warm and pulsating around me. I remember the way her body welcomed mine, giving herself so freely to me.

As we walk back to the house, I let go of her hand and wrap an arm around her shoulder, pulling her closer to me. I feel her arms wrap around my waist.

“Ben…”

“Yes, babe?”

“Are we going back to our room?”

“Yep. We need to clear up some stuff.”

“Okay. Could we avoid going through the main entrance? I kind of don’t want to run into anyone after the show I put on, and I must look like a raccoon from crying,” Cathy asks, her voice muffled from my chest and raspy from tears.

Leaning down to kiss the top of her head, I close my eyes for a brief moment as I inhale the flowery scent of her shampoo. “Whatever you want, babe.”

And I mean it.

We are now lying on the bed facing each other. I want her naked and on top of me, but I know it can’t happen yet. I need to explain some things and make her understand that the past is the past and it better stay there, once and for all.

When a strong urge to touch her comes over me, to have her body next to mine, I pull her closer.

“Much better.”

“Ben…I’m sorry for jumping to conclusions when I saw you with Ashley. It’s just that last night I saw you walking out with her, but when I asked you about it, you didn’t mention her.”

“I was going to tell you about her, but I didn’t want to talk about it just then. I wanted it to be just about the two of us. Just you and me and nothing else.”

“After last night I shouldn’t have doubted you. It’s just…when I saw the way you touched her face, the way she was holding your hands and how perfect she was, I was so jealous. I knew I could never compete against—”

I put a finger under her chin and lift her face to make her look at me. “Let me explain. You’re not going to like parts of what I have to say, but it’s the truth and you deserve the truth. And knowing the truth is the only way you’ll see that there’s no need to give Ashley a thought.”

“Okay.”

I can hear the fear in her voice, but I know this is what we both need.

“Ashley and I have known each other for a long time. We both went to St. Patrick’s Prep. I was a junior, and she was a freshman. I guess you could say I was popular because I was already the starting quarterback and because of my last name. No big deal. I enjoyed the perks. I was very young and an idiot. Julian and I slept with pretty much every hot girl that caught our attention. And there were quite a few, Cathy.

“I remember the day like it was yesterday. Julian and I were getting shit faced in our dorm, when Oscar, who you haven’t met, came to tell us about this new hot transfer. That she was a freshman and fresh pussy.” When she winces in my arms, I squeeze her hip, knowing that this is nothing and only gets worse. “He decided he was going to screw her sooner rather than later. Julian and I didn’t give a fuck because, frankly, we didn’t care. Oscar was good looking, but Julian and I got the most attention from the girls in school, so if she was that hot we knew she’d eventually sleep with one, or both of us,” I pause. “We were kind of assholes back then.

“It didn’t work out that way because the next day I ran into her, and I mean body slammed into her. She dropped her folder and some books, I think, but I couldn’t tell you exactly what because the moment I saw her, I kind of fell in love with her. After we began dating…I mean, I was so crazy about her that I was afraid to hook up with her and have her think I was a man whore or something like that, so I asked her to be my girl. It wasn’t long after that we—” Hell, this is hard to say. I can feel how tense Cathy is, but I continue, “I was her first, and she was my last. We dated all through my junior and senior year at St. Patrick’s, and for half my time in college. I thought I loved her, and I was planning to propose to her once I was done with college and start Law School at Columbia. I figured my parents and her parents could help us out while we were both finishing school.”

I have to take a deep breath, but as I exhale I realize that I don’t feel any pain. I’m about to tell her what happened next, how Ashley took my heart and ripped it to pieces. Before Cathy came into my life, just the memory alone had the power to make it hard to breathe, but as I stare into pools of rich green, I know I don’t feel anything anymore.

I feel no pain.

I feel no tightening in my chest.

I feel healed.

I feel whole.

I feel love.

“Go ahead.” She takes my hand in hers and brings it to her mouth, kissing it slowly.

“We did the whole long distance relationship for two years. And it worked. I guess because she was still in high school and I was popular Ben playing college level football, and we were in love. Once she finished high school, I begged her to go to school with me, but she didn’t want to. She said she hated Florida and its hot weather. She chose NYU because she wanted to stay close to home. It made sense to me, you know.

“Things went to hell half way through my junior year, her freshman year at NYU. On my way home for spring break, I decided to propose to her. As soon as I got home, I spoke to my parents. They were hesitant at first, but after I presented them a sound plan, they agreed. I spoke to Ashley’s father and he agreed. That same day, my dad took me to Van Cleef and Arpels on Fifth and I bought her an engagement ring. Since I was in the city already, I decided to surprise Ashley. I knew she had already made plans with a friend from out of town, but I didn’t care, I wanted to see her that day.”

“Oh, Ben…”

I can hear the hurt in her voice. Shit, she is hurting for me even when I’m telling her about another woman. I love her.

“She had her own place in Gramercy Park, and I decided to surprise her with her favorite pink roses. I was twenty years old, stupid and idealistic.” I take a deep breath. “I was in the kitchen, opening a bottle of champagne, when I heard the door open. Hearing her giggles, I turned around just in time to see her jump Oscar. They had no idea I was standing there like a fucking asshole watching. Oscar walked them to her bedroom while they continued to make out. The room was across from the kitchen, so I saw the moment...the moment when he threw her body on the bed, scattering rose petals all over the room. That’s when they realized something was wrong. Ashley stood up immediately, turning to look at the fucking joke on the bed.”

When Cathy gasps, I lean down and kiss her wet cheeks. She is crying for me.