Shiver : 13 Sexy Tales of Humor and Horror - Aurora Belle (читать книги онлайн бесплатно полные версии TXT) 📗

“What, if anything, did you say in response?” Mr. Brenner went on.

“I told them to get out of my friggin’ apartment but she said that I was the reason that our building was cursed. Can you imagine, somebody saying that I brought them bad mojo?”

“Hell yeah!” yelled some woman from the gallery.

“Order,” Judge Epstein said sternly, but I saw her smile a little.

“She said your building is cursed?” Mr. Brenner went on, glancing up almost apologetically at the woman. Clearly, he agreed with her.

“Like I said, the lights go on and off and we’ve got problems with the heat and the air conditioning. It gets really cold in some rooms, and hotter everywhere else. That’s not a curse though. It’s a cheap-ass landlord who doesn’t want to hire anybody to fix it.”

“What happened after you told them to get out?”

“Steven told her they should go because I wasn’t going to cooperate. Damn straight I wasn’t. But that nut wouldn’t leave. She kept insisting that I was the reason that our building was cursed, and she had to do some kind of exorcism and ‘cleanse’ my apartment. She was just after some extra cash. I know how these people work.”

“What happened then?”

“She started chanting some BS about returning to where I came from. I told her I came from Jersey, and she could go back to the nuthouse.”

“Did she leave?”

“No, and I tried to slam my door in her face, but she started yelling, ‘to hell with you.’ So, I yelled, to hell with you too lady! I felt threatened — in fear for my life, you know?” Oh please! I rolled my eyes.

“Did she do anything else?”

“Yeah, she dropped garlic cloves and salt all over the place.”

“No further questions.”

“Cross examination.” Judge Epstein grumbled.

“Mr. Drake,” Braden said, standing to his full six-foot-three-inch height and striding up to the witness stand commandingly. Ev shrunk back a little. “Isn’t it true that when Mr. Steven McKenna and Ms. Delores Crowley showed up at your door you opened it willingly?”

“Yeah, so?”

“You weren’t in any fear at that point, correct?”

“Not at that point, no.”

“Ms. Crowley never laid a hand on you at any point during this interaction, correct?”

“Nah, but she’s a chick, so she probably thought about it.” He started snort laughing. Braden stared. He stopped snort laughing.

“She never said she would harm you in any way, right?”

“She said ‘I order you to leave.’ That sounds like an implied threat to me.”

“Your Honor …” Braden began.

“Answer the question he asked you,” Judge Epstein snapped and Ev gave her a wounded look.

“She never actually said she would harm me, no,” he answered petulantly.

“And you testified that you yourself were yelling, correct?”

“Yeah, but she yelled first.”

“Other than the garlic and the salt, she didn’t drop anything else on the floor did she?”

“No, but that was plenty. It smelled like a friggin’ pizzeria in there.”

“No further questions,” Braden returned to the defense table. Most of the women, and a few of the men, watching from the gallery, sighed collectively. Have I mentioned how sexy my husband is? A cry echoed from the back of the room, “The EMF reader is going off the scale! Folks, we have paranormal activity!” a guy in a black T-shirt shouted. Another guy, holding a stick that seemed to light up spontaneously, headed toward Ev.

“Objection Your Honor.” Mr. Brenner was on his feet.

“I’m being threatened again!” Ev whined.

“We’re the Spirit Hunter Team,” the guy with the stick explained. “Your Honor, the witness in this case seems to be surrounded by an electromagnetic field. That could be indicative of paranormal activity.”

“What?” Judge Epstein screeched incredulously.

“This man is possessed,” a second Spirit Hunter announced as he ran a little gadget up and down near Ev’s body.

“I told you!” Ms. Crowley called out and Braden warned her to be quiet.

“We should probably get a sample, Ernie,” said the guy with the stick.

“A sample of what?!” Ev broke in.

“We’re going to need a sample of a body fluid,” the guy with box answered. “What do think, Burt, mucus or spit?” Ev looked helplessly at Mr. Brenner, but he seemed to be momentarily stunned.

“Okay, enough!” Judge Epstein banged her gavel. “You can’t just interrupt a case like this. I know President Judge Feeney said you could shoot in here, but you cannot stand in the way of justice. And there will be no spitting either.” She looked purple and veins were sticking out all over the place. It was like a scene from that old horror movie Scanners.

“Oh, uh. Sorry, Your Honor,” Ernie apologized sheepishly.

“We can wait and get the sample later,” Burt added. “He’s probably going to want to find a good exorcist, though.”

“I’ve got a special going right now,” Ms. Crowley called out.

“How much?” Ev asked. Suddenly, he was a believer.

“Work this out later!” Judge Epstein screeched. “Is there any argument?”

“Well, Your Honor …” Mr. Brenner began.

“Case dismissed!” She slammed down her gavel. “Five minute recess.” With that she flew off the bench with her black robe billowing. She looked like a giant vampire bat. Ev went off to talk to his new friend Ms. Crowley, and I went over to talk to Braden.

“Have I told you lately how sexy you are?” I asked him quietly.

“So, you want to get sexy with me?”

“In five minutes?” I laughed.

“That’s long enough for me to cop a feel. It will build anticipation.”

“Where do you want to go?” I asked coquettishly. He contemplated for a moment, and then grabbed my hand and led me out of the courtroom. We headed down the hallway and around a corner into a cavernous room, lit only by the dim glow of vending machines. “What, are you in the mood for a three year-old Milky Way?” I joked.

“There’s a dark corner behind the machine with dubious looking sandwiches, and the pickles shot full of chemical waste. Nobody will ever venture over there.” He had a point.

I felt naughty as we snuck over into the corner, stepping over cables and wires along the way. He backed me against a wall and put his hands on my bottom, pulling my hips against him and then he leaned down and kissed me hungrily. I sighed and slid my tongue against his. Kissing Braden would never get old. His mouth was so warm, wet and wonderfully minty, and his tongue was alternately teasing and demanding. I could happily make out with him all night.

One hand slid from my bottom up over my hip, tracing my curves until he arrived at the swell of my breast beneath my blouse. Braden was a boob man, and luckily for us both, I had a pretty nice rack. He cupped and lifted with his palm and brushed his thumb over the tip, sending shivers down my spine. His mouth moved to kiss my neck and whisper in my ear.

“Wait until I get you home tonight. I’m going to do bad things to you that will make you feel so good.” His tongue traced the edge of my ear and I moaned quietly and ground my hips against him. I could feel a bulge pressing against my abdomen that was filled with decadent promise.

“Uh oh, you’re indisposed. What are you going to do about that?” I ran my hands up his back, thoroughly enjoying the way his hard muscles tensed under my fingertips. I began gently biting his neck.

“For now I’ll walk it off and think about baseball,” he mumbled against my throat, pinning me against the wall with his hips and making me tingle from head to toe. “Later tonight I’ll give it to you.”

“Oh, baby.” I giggled and writhed against him. I was starting to get lightheaded. A moment later, though, I heard Mr. Brenner calling my name from somewhere down the hall. Great. Braden sighed, collected himself, and stepped back, strategically buttoning his suit jacket in front.

“I think you’re needed back in court.” His voice was a little husky.