Back To Back - Cameron Chelsea M. (читать бесплатно полные книги TXT) 📗

I hand him the sweating glass and he takes it with a nod.

“I hate this,” I say, shattering the silence. “I hate how we are now. I really hate it.” I pull my knees up and rest my chin on them.

He sets his water glass down on one of my coasters that’s shaped like a red heart and turns to face me.

“I hate it too.”

Good. We’ve agreed on something. That’s a start.

“Do you think it’s possible for us to start over? Go from square one?” I ask, and his mouth tightens into a line.

“I honestly don’t know, Saige. I appreciate you wanting to be honest with me from here on out, but that’s not enough. It’s not enough to undo what we did to each other.” At least he isn’t putting the blame solely in my hands.

“Then what is?” I say, picking up my water. My throat is so dry. I’m also starving. I haven’t eaten all day.

He rubs his eyes with one hand and takes another sip of water.

“That’s another question I can’t answer.”

“So we’re stuck. Like this. Forever,” I say.

He shrugs.

“Don’t you care? I know you at least miss having sex with me.”

“Saige, I…” He can’t seem to finish his thought.

“Even if you don’t want to have sex with me, we’re still connected. We’ll always be connected. By Lizzy.” I hate using this against him, but it’s the only card I have to play.

His eyes narrow at the mention of Lizzy.

“I know you want to protect her, but I’m not here to… get something out of her. As soon as I found out I had a sister, I wanted to get to know her. And Dad has spent forever waiting.” I probably shouldn’t bring him up, but he’s part of this too.

“I don’t trust your father,” he says. Does that mean he trusts me?

“I know. I don’t blame you. But about Lizzy, his motives are pure. Everything he’s done has been for her. Because of her.” I lean toward him and he doesn’t move away.

“I want to believe you, Saige. If you don’t know anything else, know that. That I want to believe you. It’s been just me and Lizzy for so long and to know that she has other family? A new sister she adores? It’s almost a miracle.” I let a breath out and the tightness in my chest lets up. Just a tiny bit. We’re making progress. Little, bitty, tiny steps.

“But I’m not willing to take risks where Lizzy is concerned.” I knew there was a “but” coming.

“I understand. But please, just think about it. For me?” I’m throwing everything I can into this.

He’s still for a long time and then his face softens.

“I’ll try.”

I can’t help but smile.

“That’s all I ask,” I say.

Thinking we should do something not quite so intense, I suggest we watch a movie. I have mounds of homework I should be doing, but I know I’m not going to be able to focus on it right now. My brain has too much else going on.

“How about Rear Window? I’ll watch it without any commentary,” I say, knowing that it’s his favorite Hitchcock film. Vertigo is most definitely better, but I’ll let this slide. Once.

The movie suggestion makes him almost smile. Close enough.

I put it in and go to make popcorn. I make that the way he likes it as well, with not too much butter and a lot of salt.

We sit close to each other on the couch, but the distance between us feels endless. He’s on one side of the Grand Canyon and I’m on the other.

And then, as if we’re in a movie, our hands collide in the popcorn bowl. As if fate engineered it. He pulls back first, but I grab his hand, which is a little slick from the butter.

“Do you believe in fate?” I ask him for the second time. The last time I asked, he told me he did. Something tells me the answer is going to be different this time.

Sylas looks down at our joined hands and then up into my eyes.

“No. No, I don’t.”

I nod and let go of his hand.

“That’s what I thought. I didn’t believe you the first time.” I didn’t believe a whole lot of what he said, but there were moments of pure truth and clarity.

“You didn’t?” He looks away from the movie.

“No. I pretty much assumed everything you said was a lie,” I say and he actually flinches.

“Does that bother you?” I say and he shakes his head.

“No.”

“Liar,” I say.

He sighs and goes back to the movie.

“I didn’t lie to you about everything,” he says, keeping his eyes on the screen.

“I know,” I say. “I didn’t lie to you about everything either.”

I didn’t lie to him all those times I told him that I loved him. When I told him that I didn’t know if I loved him, that was a lie. It’s the one I regret the most.

“There are more things you don’t know,” I say. I know I’m not supposed to talk to him about this, but I can’t hold it back anymore.

“What things?” he asks. It’s like he can’t look at me while he talks to me. I wish he would.

“I’m not supposed to tell you. Dad wants to talk to you.” At the mention of my father, he stiffens.

“About what?” His voice goes hard again.

I take a breath and then figure I’ve come this far now; I might as well keep going.

“He wants you to work for him.” He goes totally still. Not even blinking.

It takes him a long time to move.

“I knew it,” he says in a quiet voice. “I knew he wanted something else from me.”

“It’s not like that. You both have the same goals. To bring down corporate corruption. You’re so much alike.” I didn’t mean to say the last part, but it comes out anyway. His head snaps around.

“I am nothing like him.” He’s furious. I’m actually grateful for some sort of emotion from him. I know he’s been holding himself back for a while.

He gets to his feet and starts to storm toward the door.

“Wait, Sylas!” I race after him and he rips the door open.

“Don’t, Saige. Just don’t.” Pain. Sharp, brilliant, naked pain replaces the anger in his eyes and I freeze. He takes one last look at me and then he’s gone.

I call Dad after Sylas leaves. Mostly to tell him that I blew it. To say he’s not pleased would be an understatement.

“How could you, Saige? All that work for nothing.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I just couldn’t hold it in anymore.” Dad doesn’t know I love Sylas. I told him I was playing the game and I guess he didn’t know the difference.

Dad sighs and I picture him raking his hand through his hair. Sylas does the same thing sometimes. I wasn’t lying when I said they were alike. They are. In so many ways.

“Well, now I’m going to have to regroup. Figure out how to approach him again.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I know you are.” Dad never stays mad at me for long. “How did your visit go?” I was going to call him anyway and tell him about my day with Lizzy. That’s a much better subject to talk about.

“It was so good. She’s wonderful. I know she’s different, but she’s so smart. She sees the world in such an amazing way. And she didn’t let go of my hand the whole time.” I smile when I remember how hard she held me. Like she was afraid I was going to run away.

Dad coughs and I wonder if he’s crying.

“That’s great, Saige. It really is. I used to think about the two of you together and what it would look like.” We should have taken a picture. I didn’t even think of it at the time.

“She drew a picture of me,” I say as I take out the frame that I carefully wrapped up before putting it in my purse. “It’s really good. She got my hair and everything.” I pop the stand out from the back of the frame and set it on top of one of the tables in my living room. It somehow fits right in with my other decor and that makes me smile.

Sylas might not believe in fate, but I do.

Dad and I talk about other things and he says that he’s going to contact Sylas and set up a meeting. As much as Dad wants Sylas, he also wants the rest of his team. The ragtag group of Robin Hoods that have somehow managed to elude capture by their adversaries or police for several years.