Jennie Gerhardt - Драйзер Теодор (книги бесплатно без онлайн .txt) 📗
before.
When the day was over she was actually relieved; anyway, the deed was
done and nothing could change it. Vesta was sympathetically aware of
what was happening, but kept silent. She too had seen the report in the
newspaper. When the first and second day after had passed Jennie was
much calmer mentally, for now she was face to face with the inevitable.
But it was weeks before the sharp pain dulled to the old familiar ache.
Then there were months before they would be back again, though, of
course, that made no difference now. Only Japan seemed so far off, and
somehow she had liked the thought that Lester was near her—somewhere
in the city.
The spring and summer passed, and now it was early in October. One
chilly day Vesta came home from school complaining of a headache.
When Jennie had given her hot milk—a favourite remedy of her mother's
—and had advised a cold towel for the back of her head, Vesta went to
her room and lay down. The following morning she had a slight fever.
This lingered while the local physician, Dr. Emory, treated her tentatively, suspecting that it might be typhoid, of which there were several cases in the village. This doctor told Jennie that Vesta was probably strong enough constitutionally to shake it off, but it might be that she would have a
severe siege. Mistrusting her own skill in so delicate a situation, Jennie sent to Chicago for a trained nurse, and then began a period of
watchfulness which was a combination of fear, longing, hope, and
courage.
Now there could be no doubt; the disease was typhoid. Jennie hesitated
about communicating with Lester, who was supposed to be in New York;
the papers had said that he intended to spend the winter there. But when
the doctor, after watching the case for a week, pronounced it severe, she thought she ought to write anyhow, for no one could tell what would
happen. Lester had been so fond of Vesta. He would probably want to
know.
The letter sent to him did not reach him, for at the time it arrived he was on his way to the West Indies. Jennie was compelled to watch alone by
Vesta's sick-bed, for although sympathetic neighbours, realising the
pathos of the situation were attentive, they could not supply the spiritual consolation which only those who truly love us can give. There was a
period when Vesta appeared to be rallying, and both the physician and the nurse were hopeful; but afterwards she became weaker. It was said by Dr.
Emory that her heart and kidneys had become affected.
There came a time when the fact had to be faced that death was
imminent. The doctor's face was grave, the nurse was non-committal in
her opinion. Jennie hovered about, praying the only prayer that is prayer
—the fervent desire of her heart concentrated on the one issue—that
Vesta should get well. The child had come so close to her during the last few years! She understood her mother. She was beginning to realise
clearly what her life had been. And Jennie, through her, had grown to a
broad understanding of responsibility. She knew now what it meant to be
a good mother and to have children. If Lester had not objected to it, and she had been truly married, she would have been glad to have others.
Again, she had always felt that she owed Vesta so much—at least a long
and happy life to make up to her for the ignominy of her birth and
rearing. Jennie had been so happy during the past few years to see Vesta
growing into beautiful, graceful, intelligent womanhood. And now she
was dying. Dr. Emory finally sent to Chicago for a physician friend of
his, who came to consider the case with him. He was an old man, grave,
sympathetic, understanding. He shook his head. "The treatment has been correct," he said. "Her system does not appear to be strong enough to endure the strain. Some physiques are more susceptible to this malady
than others." It was agreed that if within three days a change for the better did not come the end was close at hand.
No one can conceive the strain to which Jennie's spirit was subjected by
this intelligence, for it was deemed best that she should know. She
hovered about white-faced—feeling intensely, but scarcely thinking. She
seemed to vibrate consciously with Vesta's altering states. If there was the least improvement she felt it physically. If there was a decline her
barometric temperament registered the fact.
There was a Mrs. Davis, a fine, motherly soul of fifty, stout and
sympathetic, who lived four doors from Jennie, and who understood quite
well how she was feeling. She had co-operated with the nurse and doctor
from the start to keep Jennie's mental state as nearly normal as possible.
"Now, you just go to your room and lie down, Mrs. Kane," she would say to Jennie when she found her watching helplessly at the bedside or
wandering to and fro, wondering what to do. "I'll take charge of
everything. I'll do just what you would do. Lord bless you, don't you
think I know? I've been the mother of seven and lost three. Don't you
think I understand?" Jennie put her head on her big, warm shoulder one day and cried. Mrs. Davis cried with her. "I understand," she said. "There, there, you poor dear. Now you come with me." And she led her to her
sleeping-room.
Jennie could not be away long. She came back after a few minutes
unrested and unrefreshed. Finally one midnight, when the nurse had
persuaded her that all would be well until morning anyhow, there came a
hurried stirring in the sickroom. Jennie was lying down for a few minutes on her bed in the adjoining room. She heard it and arose. Mrs. Davis had
come in, and she and the nurse were conferring as to Vesta's condition—
standing close beside her.
Jennie understood. She came up and looked at her daughter keenly.
Vesta's pale, waxen face told the story. She was breathing faintly, her eyes closed. "She's very weak," whispered the nurse. Mrs. Davis took Jennie's hand.
The moments passed, and after a time the clock in the hall struck one.
Miss Murfree, the nurse, moved to the medicine-table several times,
wetting a soft piece of cotton cloth with alcohol and bathing Vesta's lips.
At the striking of the half-hour there was a stir of the weak body—a
profound sigh. Jennie bent forward eagerly, but Mrs. Davis drew her
back. The nurse came and motioned them away. Respiration had ceased.
Mrs. Davis seized Jennie firmly. "There, there, you poor dear," she whispered when she began to shake. "It can't be helped. Don't cry."
Jennie sank on her knees beside the bed and caressed Vesta's still warm
hand. "Oh no, Vesta," she pleaded. "Not you! Not you!"
"There, dear, come now," soothed the voice of Mrs. Davis. "Can't you leave it all in God's hands? Can't you believe that everything is for the best?"
Jennie felt as if the earth had fallen. All ties were broken. There was no light anywhere in the immense darkness of her existence.
CHAPTER LIX
This added blow from inconsiderate fortune was quite enough to throw
Jennie back into that state of hyper-melancholia from which she had been
drawn with difficulty during the few years of comfort and affection which she had enjoyed with Lester in Hyde Park. It was really weeks before she
could realise that Vesta was gone. The emaciated figure which she saw
for a day or two after the end did not seem like Vesta. Where was the joy and lightness, the quickness of motion, the subtle radiance of health? All gone. Only this pale, lily-hued shell—and silence. Jennie had no tears to shed; only a deep, insistent pain to feel. If only some counsellor of eternal wisdom could have whispered to her that obvious and convincing truth—