My Friend is an Alien - Edlund Niklas (читать книги онлайн без .TXT) 📗

The rope had been pulled by Davy, who came leaping down from a tree, smeared with mud and paint, and wearing only a very shredded T-shirt tied around his waist, carrying a long, pointed stick in his hand. Davy let out a high-pitched shriek intended to resemble a war cry. It sounded more like Arion with indigestion, but the overall effect was not lost on the two adult Botarans, who were shocked at the sudden appearance of one of the natives, who were, if this was any example, a whole lot more primitive and dangerous than any of their probes had indicated.

"Hey, look out!" came a voice in Botaran. Amshat was still clambering out of the mud. Tiri was at the edge of the mud pool trying to help him without getting muddy herself, but turned to see a bright red globe coming in her direction. It hit her midsection, splattering her with red paint and throwing her off-balance just enough so that she fell backwards into the mud just as Amshat was climbing out.

"Whoops!" said Toben, although he was grinning. "Sor-ry! Got the wrong one!" Then he aimed the bazooka-like device he was carrying at Davy and fired again. Davy was instantly splattered with blue paint and made a huge production out of being stunned and knocked into the mud, apparently unconscious, and trying not to giggle.

Toben dropped the device and ran back the way he'd come.

"Am…" said Tiri, dragging herself out of the mud and feeling both miserable and defeated.

Amshat remained furious. "This ends right now!" He charged after the fleeing Toben.

Once he emerged from he woods, he could see that all three boys were together once again, and were trying to take refuge in a ridiculously primitive structure that had been placed in a large plant. He smiled to himself. They were trapped. And after what he'd endured this day, he'd gladly haul all three of them off to the Procyon Institute personally.

He started to climb the tree, and reached the entrance to the odd structure just in time to see Keyro and Toben bail out of a window, but Jahv was still inside. Amshat lurched forward and caught his son by the heel. "All right, boy, I've got you now, and the other two will certainly surrender after this. Enough is enough!"

Then the floor creaked. And started to crack. And the entire structure lurched. And Amshat was so surprised that he let go of Jahv's foot, allowing the boy to follow his friend and brother out the window. The floor suddenly gave out under Amshat, and he fell to the ground — almost.

At the last instant, Keyro and Toben had moved a kid-size pool into position under what they'd calculated was the weakest spot in the floor of the treehouse. The pool had been used years ago by Davy, of course. It was now filled with shaving cream, paint, mud, maple syrup, half-melted Jello, a half-dozen eggs, chocokate cake frosting, a half-gallon of sour milk, and one air mattress at the bottom to cushion Amshat's landing.

Tiri came walking up, looking miserable, and then she saw Amshat, who was stunned but basically unhurt, and he looked even more miserable. The boys were standing nearby, but not so close that they couldn't take off running again if they needed to.

"You were saying 'enough is enough'?" remarked Jahv.

Amshat tried to wipe his eyes clear of the awful gunk he was plastered with. He stared at his son. "Were we really THAT terrible to you? That you had to do this?"

Jahv and Keyro felt a brief pang of guilt. "Maybe not," said Jahv. "But what you WOULD'VE done to us if you'd taken us back — that would've been that terrible."

"And you didn't seem interested in talking about it when we saw your interviews on GNN," added Keyro.

"Let's face it — you're more interested in getting your business license back than us." said Jahv coldly.

Amshat pulled himself out of the goop-filled pool and stood as straight as possible, trying for some measure of dignity — and not succeeding especially well. He managed a trace of the anger he'd been feeling almost since their arrival on this backwater world. "Tiri — the Infopad." His wife handed him the device. "We wanted you back as proper members of Botaran society. But this — THIS! You leave us no choice, if this is the choice you've made for yourselves. Jahv and Keyro, you are NO LONGER our sons! This is your copy of a legal document. You may no longer use the family title. You are banished from the homeworld forever. I have never, in my entire life, seen such disgraceful Botarans, or experienced such an utter level of — of — I don't even know what to call what you've done today. Tiri — the other Infopad."

Tiri handed another device to her husband. Her face was as impassive as Amshat's was angry.

"Toben — your family feels the same. If you were unwilling, unable, or simply in no condition to return home and accept proper discipline, you also are cut off from your family. Here is your copy of the document. I am certain that your aunt will agree with our decision."

"Prob'ly so." replied Toben.

Without a further word, Amshat activated a device and the two adult Botarans vanished in a burst of light and sound.

"Uh, huh. I figured as much," said Jahv, studying the document he'd been given. "Disowning us gets them their business license back. Either way, they win, whether they'd've carted us off to the Procyon Institute, or disowned us."

Davy came out of the woods, covered with mud and dragging Toben's paint-sphere firing device with him. "Are they gone?"

"Let's find out," said Jahv. He fished around in a shirt pocket for a small comm-unit. "Hey, Arion. You tracking the ship?"

"Are you kidding?" said Arion, who had remained indoors to keep track of the ship. "It hit hyperspace ten seconds after it broke orbit. I'd say your stunt worked, but what the heck all did you say or do to them?"

"Toben farted, for one thing!" announced Keyro.

"Oh, well, that explains it." said Arion. "Thank you so much for sharing that. See you when you get back here."

"Well, it all worked." said Jahv, as the three aliens and Davy started walking back towards the house. Mr. and Mrs. Caulfield had emerged and were standing on the back porch. "Not bad given the limited technology we had to work with."

"It's still sort of — final, y'know?" said Keyro. "I mean, not that I wanted to go back, not that I ever thought we'd be welcome, but now — we really can't."

"Boys, you're part of our family now," said Mrs. Caulfield in a reassuring tone. Then she looked at her husband. "Isn't that right?"

"Right, of course." said Mr. Caulfield, managing to sound sincere despite being caught off guard. "But we do try to be a reasonably clean family most of the time, so I think we'd both appreciate it if the four of you headed upstairs, along the path of newspaper I set down, put your clothes in the plastic bag just outside the bathroom, and get in the shower. And try not to leave the shower looking like you do now, okay?"

The boys all giggled, and carefully made their way upstairs. They shed their clothes and placed them in the plastic trash bag that was left hanging on the doorknob. Unknown to the adult Caulfields, but perhaps not entirely unexpected, all four boys managed to climb into the decently large shower enclosure together, and spent a generous amount of time making sure every last bit of mud and paint was washed thoroughly from their bodies, and then gave the shower enclosure itself a proper cleaning. It was, obviously, great fun for all involved. Even Toben.

After wrapping large towels around themselves which had been provided for them, they headed downstairs for a much more civilized breakfast, which Arion and even Morik joined them for. And gradually, the young Botarans got used to the fact that, truly, Earth was their home now.

As for the potted plant that Keyro peed into, Mrs. Caulfield never did understand why it suddenly grew over ten inches in height over the next two weeks…